i hope i made the right decision. i'm feeling really sad about it today. i'm afraid i'll just end up the same as i am now-lost without a decent playing job. damn it i want to sound like this recording. i want to play like baker. i want to kiss mike without him knowing so i don't have to continue it. i don't want to feel like i'm trapped in an emotional tornado if i were to. i want nick to stay with me tonight but i don't want to loose him as a friend because he expected more. i want to call brad and tell him that i still love him and that i miss cincinnati so much and what it did for me that i could die. i don't want to drive to arkansas because i just don't. i don't want lara to move but i would end up leaving anyway. i wish i wrote like lindsay. i really wish matt was here with me on his own decision more than all these things combined.
